When I first learned of the Treatment Advocacy Center and contacted Aileen Kroll and, later, Doris Fuller, I told them each that I am a recovered schizophrenic insofar as one can recover from schizophrenia. It’s kind of like being a recovered alcoholic.  

I haven’t gotten lost in fantasies and delusions for 25 years now. A few years ago, I quit going to counseling. At my age, 65 next month, and experience, I started counseling in eighth grade, there isn’t much more I can get from that.  I sometimes go weeks without thinking about any of the old delusions or fantasies, or new ones. But all too often I find myself trying to convince myself that there is not now nor ever was any basis in reality to any of them.  I never was Thomas Jefferson, or Jesus, or God. Even now sometimes the best I can do is to decide there probably is no truth to any of that. But I still take low dosage medication every day. It is safe to say that my demons are under control.

How did I get to this relatively good place?

The first step was staying alive. That is not that easy given the high incidence of suicide among the seriously mentally ill not to mention all the trouble one can get into when psychotic. My love for and from my grandmother and later my wife keep me from seriously considering suicide when lucid. My fantasies never turned me suicidal.

I also had to accept that there is probably no basis in fact to these delusions that have occupied my mind so much and seemed so real so often. I had to learn what precursors to psychotic episodes to be on the watch for and what to do when they appeared. To accomplish these things I had to accept and commit to counseling. (Counseling is like many things in life. You only get out what you put in. If you can’t be completely open and honest with a counselor, he can’t help you.) Also I had to take the medication religiously. I would have done none of these things consistently without the insistence and watchfulness of my wife. In every stage of my life there have been people going way out of their way in attempts to help me. 

My wife has stayed with me despite witnessing several psychotic episodes. Those of you with loved ones suffering from serious mental illness know how difficult that might be. I totally understand those people who feel that they have to give up on a loved one. They just can’t deal with it any more. This is especially true in the states where the laws render them powerless to help. 

But I have had a productive, useful, rewarding life because nobody ever gave up on me. Loved ones can make a big difference in many cases. If you are someone trying to deal with a loved one who is seriously mentality ill, please try to hang in there.

Joseph Bowers

Schizophrenic in remission
Read more of Joe's story in "Life Under a Cloud."  

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